Usually we say there are two sides to every story, but that’s not always true. There aren’t always two sides to every story, some have five sides and others have one.
Depending on the story being told, there will equally be different roles being played at each given moment.
Take the general interaction between a man and woman for instance.
She wants to go home, but she doesn’t want to go alone. He really has nothing to do in that area, but he wants to spend time with her. The dance starts.
He knows fully well she’s on her way home, yet still he asks, “Going home?” His hand extends, encouraging the dance.
She smiles thankfully, meeting his hand with hers to begin the dance, asking her own question in turn, “yes, walk with me?” (She asks but she doesn’t really ask, you know the one)
So they walk and talk. His a clown, she’s witty. She wants to speak on the woes of the world and he just wants her to relax and laugh.
Their at her gate, his time is up he knows it now and so he tumbles upon his words, “I…like…you…a..lo..t”
He’d been so calm and funny this whole time, he must really like me, She thought to herself with an uncertain smile.
“You’re a nice guy” she says unsure if she really means it or if it’s her thanks for the escort. Now shes wondering what seed shes planted in his mind and if she likes the look of these doorways opening before her.
So he starts calling and she starts answering, well you know the rest but sometimes the story is rather different.
Maybe she just wants an escort and doesn’t care for the guy. Maybe he just wants what’s behind and so the escort is easy.
He doesn’t tumble on his words, his calm and clear, when he whispers, “I want you”
She’s not certain if she wants him but she wants the escort so she smiles and extends her hand as she starts to walk. This is also a dance, now whatever happens no one can claim innocence, right?
Nope, because consent isn’t an assumption, its expressive leaving no doubts. But in as much as I condemn every act of the Male perpetrator, I think the roles have to be acknowleged.
Somewhere there is a game being played and the female played a part and so did the Male. In as much as consent is non negotiable, and nothing a woman does will ever validate any mistreatment.
The role she is responsible for must be discussed so that men understand more scenarios like these. She is responsible for joining the dance, responsible for flirting along and also responsible for saying NO.
Same goes for men, we are responsible for pursuing, for flirting, and 100% for our actions after she agrees or disagrees.
The roles we play can lead people on, the games we indulge have risks for all those playing. Isn’t that why we play though? To face new challenges aiming for success.
I asked a colleague at work and she said, she wouldn’t like to walk alone, regardless if she didn’t like the guy, especially if she had to carry something. That really felt like a batter exchange especially if the guy is only helping because he thinks his getting something out of it.
In no way does this excuse the actions of the man when he gets sexually abusive. But what I’d hope is for this article to encourage conversations amongst ourselves that make us ask;
What role am I playing in this dance?
Should I be dancing?
Dance you must, for life is one beautiful rhythm, it will take you high or bring you low, with each beat you must recognise who you are in all this. True power comes from being aware of who you become in each passing moment.
-Zed Writer
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