Ghosting

In this social media age, where people mistaken having a phone on your person with availability. Yes I have my phone, unfortunately that does not determine how available I am. We are creatures of habit and the smart phone with all its fancy applications have made our lives much easier and this has affected some of the habits we have gained. With the perception of us as people living in our devices, it may start to seem that we have blurred the lines between real world and screen world.

The most popular phenomenon of this, is the idea of ghosting people. Ghosting occurs when an individual simply stops talking to another, without cause or explanation. Ghosting started way back when people had dilemmas with breaking up via text messages. Did you ever have that moment where you had to ask your friends if breaking up via text was okay? I had a similar experience, I remember not wanting to feel the emotions of the impending break up that I awkwardly and very horribly ended things.

Ghosting phenomenon stemmed from the idea that avoiding feeling, avoiding having to discuss what we are feeling and generally anything that results in closure and healing was a too uncomfortable a process when you can choose simply to not feel at all. This avoiding to close situations has generally created a negative loop cycle because there is no feedback response which means there is no growth. So we continuously go through the same lessons without learning anything and wonder why nothing changes.

This is why communication is essential, because when you go through the efforts of closing situations and having those awkward conversations not only do we get a chance to express ourselves but we also allow others to make feedback to our expressions. In this bowl of speaking and listening though awkward we learn more about ourselves and our actions. We grow from who we were because we have handed ourselves the opportunities to grow by doing the most difficult thing in the moment, going through the hurt together.

When you consider the act of ghosting one thing I’ve seen from people is they over look how ghosting affects them. “Forget them” but do we really forget them? Do we move on with our lives or do we hold on to things and carry them with us into different relationships, as soon as you see signs that look like those from the last relationship, its over over. No explanation needed they will simply figure out

This ghosting affects the person left on blue ticks also. If they genuinely had a liking for you they will begin to comb through all their memories looking for reasons that can make sense as to why the interaction suddenly ended. They will try get in touch, they will get angry with themselves for getting in touch. They will blame you and themselves for things not even in the veil of reality. But they will and some will even label themselves for life affecting how they will interact from that moment on.

Interestingly enough all this can be avoided by having an awkward half hour conversation. It might not resolve the issues but it will resolve the weight on your chests and free you to go and live your life free of the things burdening you. Its easier said than done, and this was never meant to be easy. You will have to use words to explain and make sense of whats happening and if we can’t explain it to ourselves how can we explain it to others? Help is available and you can learn how to express yourself, after all the goal is to be able to communicate and for that communication to help breed better future interactions.

This requires us to be patient and I know that is not easy but when next an opportunity for patience presents itself, I hope you take it and see where the pathway of patience leads you to. Understand that relationships are formed between two people and both parties must participate to make it work and even to dissolve it amicably and ensuring a healthy mind state going forward from there.

🎈Be certain to find your words, and use them. You and your words and thoughts matter. Even when others don’t take the time to understand you and your experiences matter.🌻