The biggest need, probably on par with breathing is the need to be understood. We want to be understood so bad, that’s why you need to listen to my side of the story before you cast judgement.
But, to be understood we must be willingly to understand. Its kinda like having an invisible feather tickle your neck. But only your neck, it can start out fun even but eventually it will become irritating and no one but you will believe that that is your reality. I mean, think about it, would you believe something so outlandish could be a reality?
So maybe we need to be willing to go to the lengths we hope others will with us to understand anothers reality. Naturally it’s not easy, there is no wishing wand or bones to throw. We actually have to create the time for understanding to happen. But I don’t know we are so consumed with ourselves sometimes. I definitely know I am and it’s not something so easy to change.
All it takes really is time, time to listen instead of respond. Think, why would someone tell me this? I genuinely sit there sometimes as people talk to me and think why would you feel comfortable talking to me about this? You don’t know me? I’m not a trained professional as far as social dynamics dictate, so why me?
Someone told me its because I listen, it’s funny sometimes I just think its rude to stop someone who is lamenting. I digress, my accidental misunderstanding has led me to the reasoning that people like to be heard. However, I find most people mistaken understanding something to allowing it. I can understand why you did what you did and maybe even respect you for it. But your actions should not be excused, I empathise truly I do but if we excuse consequences then we excuse justice.
To be understood should never be confused for being excused. It’s because those who understand usually excuse. Forming a slippery slope that led to be not wanting to know any information. Because if I know I have to have empathy, I have to feel how you’re feeling and if my heart breaks along side you, how can I abandon you to your devices. The truth is, I feel like such choices bruise our compassion, slowly until we don’t want to feel. So it’s easier if I don’t have the time to understand.
I hate the pain but I love feeling, I love being able to cry because a human I like is in pain. I love not knowing what’s going on but seeing the ones I love glow with joy. I love that I can experience the good in full splendor even if it I have nothing to do with it. But it also means I will experience the not so good. The cringe, uncomfortable, holding breathe in anguish. Anxiety building to the cusp of devastation and I have to sit through those too.
I get it, I understand completely, its difficult, but whatever relationship you want to have with others you have to be the one to create it. To be understood, you have to be understanding. Understanding is about patience and more than anything patience is always an act of love. I hope you find the time to be understanding in all you do in life. 🎈God knows the world can use more kindness 🌻
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