It’s Okay, not to be Okay

In a society plastered by social media feeds filled with people living their ‘best lives’ it’s almost taboo to be seen out not living my best life.How do I explain that it’s hard somedays to get out of bed?
Avoid shouting “leave me alone!” when you ask how I’m doing,
Avoiding finding a corner to cry in cause I have to be on my brave face,

Act like I’m great cause I have to be the strong one,
My mind won’t rest cause I know you have problems,
I see you tear up
I cringe,
I shudder,
No tears fall down my face,
So I must be okay,
Rather comfort you with a fake smile,
Cause helping allows me to forget,
That I’m bleeding out,
That I’m in pain and,
Deep breaths don’t fill my lungs,
Cause I forget to breath when I’m alone,
Like my room immediately turns into a vacuum soon as that door shuts,

I sleep from exhaustion,
Too tired to dream or have nightmares,
And when that alarms goes off,
I have to remind myself,
To pick up the strength that’s too heavy to carry into my room,
The strength only found in the hurt of others,

Because consoling you, makes me feel useful,
Feeling useful is the only time I remember how my lungs work,
The only time I resemble who I ought to be is when you look at me like I’ve not changed,

Your eyes remind me that I’m okay,
Even when I’m not okay.
Even when the only thing that’s okay about me, is you,
I guess it’s okay not to be okay,
As long as my not being okay can be masked by you, then it’s okay not to be okay.