I had just made a Tiktok video speaking on suicide prevention with all the deaths occuring around us I thought it prudent to speak out on a matter of profound concern. I hadn’t figured my video would be a call to action for someone.
Welcome to my blog and I do hope you are taking care of yourself and embracing the earth presenting your gifts daily. Remember you are not alone and if ever you need to talk simply let me know. As always may love guide your actions through your day.
My Tiktok video was shared and I got a message from a girl I know telling me, my video had struck a nerve and helped someone. I felt elated knowing my video had helped influence someone, but I was entirely shocked to find it did not end there. The person decided to use their social media and start a Mental health challenge.
This challenge basically involved opening up on the mental health issues we individually face. I got tagged in the challenge and decided to participate by posting my challenges with mental breakdowns and how I cope.
This really opened my eyes to something, for some people who may be like me, pin pointing a breakdown is harder than initially thought. It’s not that I don’t get bad days, no. I’ve hard the opportunity to learn early on how to process my feelings and what to do with them.
For a long time that meant analysing my issues and storing them safely in my mind. Basically I would kidnap the feelings hoping to capture me. Hold them hostage until I interrogated them thoroughly and they seemed to vanish on their own.
Until at some point this year, I had two panic attacks materialise out of nothing. Till this day I wonder when next I will be attacked seeing as I don’t know the root cause I expect another such attack.
But those two attacks made me aware of something. I have kept too many moments caged up in my head, there was still more space. However my body rejected every new moment I attempted to kidnap.
It was a slow coming conclusion, but eventually I got there. The words of Dumbledore best describe what my biggest problem was;
It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live.
-Dumbledore
My biggest problem and the reason I believe I had those panic attacks was because for the most part, somewhere in my head, those moments had drawn their swords against me. Charging down the door and attempting to let themselves loose. I felt like I had lost complete control for some reason and my world shattered to the ground around me.
Into a trillion tiny pieces, not plausible to make repairs. I don’t know why but I do know its forced me to be more assertive with who I am. With what I am. With where I am. With what I want. And perhaps most importantly for me, with who I want to become.
Admitting those aspects to myself has truly given me the freedom to understand who I am and thereby helped me flip the script. Believe me, I know, non of it is easy. I do also know it is possible. For you just like it’s been for me. We all have our different stories and journeys and even in all that, believe me its possible.
I don’t know what you’re going through but I do want you to know that I’m similarly going through stuff. If I’m alone then I’m powerless but I have God and You all his amazing gifts who have helped strengthen me over the years and help me stir me right when my feet stumble far from their mark.
Divided we fall. Together we stand. I am dedicating Mental Monday to sharing a part of who I am so that you know it’s okay, to not be okay. And it’s also okay to open up about not being okay. They taught some of us that speaking about our feelings was a weakness, and yet bearing yourself whole is the strongest garment you could ever wear.
I know it’s harder said that done, because of that I want you to know that there are people like me willing to help you through, I’m not an expert I just believe you’re not alone and I want to be there to help hold your hand through whatever the process to your stable mental state of mind. With love I believe it can be achieved.
This has been a PSA announcement you are not alone! Comment, share with someone you love or simply use the information to help yourself if it hits home.
Today’s Mental Monday! Sharing is caring!
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